15 Warning Signs of a Bad Therapist
All therapy is not created equal. Each therapist brings with them their own experience, perspective, education, and modality. As someone seeking or in therapy, it’s important to be able to recognize some of the signs of a bad therapist. In reality a therapist may not be a “bad” therapist. They may simply be the wrong therapist for you in this moment.
Whether you are going to in-person or online therapy, it’s important to find a therapist that works well for you. If you do see some warning signs, it may be best to pause and reflect on them before abruptly ending a therapeutic relationship.
Red Flags in Therapy
1. Imposing Beliefs
We all have our own beliefs, and sometimes they may differ from the beliefs of our therapist. These may be religious or spiritual, political, or social beliefs. A therapist’s job is not to impose their beliefs on you.
For example, let’s say you (the client) are pregnant and not sure what you wish to do with the fetus. If the therapist takes a pro-life stance in relation to abortion from a religious foundation that you do not share, the therapist should not try to impose their religious beliefs on you. Imposing beliefs can lead to a disconnect, and is generally unhelpful in the therapeutic relationship.
2. Intention of Romantic Relationship
This is a big one. In no way should a therapist ever attempt to have a romantic nor sexual relationship with their client. You should not be seeing a therapist who has exhibited these boundary violations. There are ethics guidelines about sexual relationships between therapists and clients for a reason. Whether it is slight physical touch or full-on flirting, there should be no romantic or sexual relationship between a therapist and a client.
Sometimes these relationships feel mutual and consensual. However, it’s an imbalanced power dynamic. Furthermore, the therapeutic relationship suffers greatly as romance becomes a part of it.
3. Too Much Talking About Themselves
Self-disclosure is a part of therapy for many therapists. Sometimes it is helpful for the therapist to share a little bit about themselves in a way that builds trust or understanding. There’s a line here, though. When a therapist begins talking about themselves, their own struggles or achievements, or their own life, it becomes about them.
Therapy is about the person seeking therapy, not the therapist. If the therapist needs to talk about themselves, they may want to seek out therapy or a friend. This is especially a warning sign of bad therapy if the therapist is sharing information that is not relevant to the conversation.
4. Poor Boundaries
Poor boundaries may be apparent in many ways, such as instigating a romantic relationship or talking about themselves too much. They may also cancel appointments on short notice, change fees, cut sessions short, or meet in places that don’t allow for privacy.
Although a relationship with a therapist may be amicable, it still is a relationship between a mental health professional and someone seeking support. As such, the boundaries should ideally remain in place to protect everyone involved, and the general therapeutic relationship.
5. Lack of Ethics
This may seem a bit subjective, but in reality therapists have a set of legal and ethical guidelines. Things that may be red flag ethical violations include practicing with an expired license, lying about credentials or education, advertising services in misleading manners, violating your confidentiality (or the confidentiality of another client), and working with people who need a higher level of care.
I won’t claim the ethical guidelines are perfect at all, but they are in place for a reason. When a therapist isn’t following a set of ethics, it often causes harm to clients in many different ways. Noticing ethical violations with your therapist may be a good reason to begin looking for a new therapist.
6. Breaking the Law
This is related to the lack of ethics. Many ethics violations are also legal violations. You want your therapist to be following the letter of the law and not put clients or anyone in danger. Examples of legal violations may be insurance fraud, failure to report abuse, providing medication or drugs without a license, or practicing without a valid license.
7. Using Unhelpful or Unproven Methods
There are many different types of therapy and modalities out there. Some are well-researched, while others are not. Some are flat-out useless. Look at phrenology, a popular practice in the 1800’s that was simply not true and used to create massive harm.
In addition to harmful therapeutic modalities, a therapist should stay within their scope. If you are hoping to find some meditation resources, a therapist should not lead you in guided meditations without the proper training. If you want to try EMDR therapy, your therapist should have completed a training program.
8. Cultural Incompetence
Cultural incompetence can come in several forms. The therapist may not have any experience working or interacting with people of your ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation, gender identity, cultural background or socioeconomic class. If they don’t have a lot of experience with your cultural norms or cultura values, a therapist should be patient, understanding, eager to learn, and able to provide you to a more appropriate counselor if needed.
It becomes especially problematic and harmful when a therapist dismisses issues related to race, identity, class, etc. This is invalidating to the person seeking support, and shows an inability to meet the issue at hand with nonjudgemental understanding. You may want to seek a religious counselor or a counselor who specializes in working with your demographic.
9. Lack of Attention or Listening
Therapy is often vulnerable. Ideally, your therapist should pay attention to you and practice active listening. They should have an engaged posture, make eye contact, and be responsive. If they are constantly distracted or doing something else, it is a definite red flag In order to best support you in your therapeutic journey, a therapist needs to be attentive and present.
With in-person therapy, this may look like your therapist checking their phone, taking calls, struggling to stay awake, unresponsiveness, or clearly missing important information. If you are in online therapy, you may notice your therapists eyes wandering about, hear the clicking of other tabs, or other disengaged behavior.
10. Judging You or Your Actions
Judging the person seeking therapy really has no place in session. A therapist may privately have their own thoughts about the person’s behavior, but it absolutely should not show through in a harsh or harmful manner. Therapy works best when therapists are open, non-judgemental, and supportive.
The shame that may come with judgement is not only not helpful to the therapeutic process, its often harmful. Sometimes you may ask your therapist for advice or what they think, and they might tell you. But it should be in a gentle and nonjudgemental way.
11. Telling You What to Do
Again, you might sometimes ask your therapist directly what to do, and they may tell you. We sometimes need direct and pragmatic advice. However, if a therapist is consistently telling you directly what to do it may not be a good fit. Many people don’t respond well to this, and therapy is more about self-exploration.
Furthermore, when a therapist tells you what to do, it simply may not be the right fit. It is a display of poor boundaries, and a lack of understanding. Clients have much more success when they come to conclusions on their own with the support of a therapist.
12. Blaming Others Constantly
You want your therapist to “be on your side” in a sense. But you don’t want someone who just blames others and doesn’t want to help you look inward. If you want to complain and have someone validate you, it may be better to speak to a friend or loved one than a therapist in that moment.
When a therapist places the blame on others, it doesn’t help you. Yes, others may be to blame for specific things, but the focus of therapy is you! Instead of placing blame, a therapist will generally help you investigate your experience, reactions and responses, and coping skills.
13. Pushing You Too Hard
Sometimes we need a little nudge, and that’s okay. There is a line here though. It’s hard to know what to talk about in therapy, and your comfort level should be respected. If you’re not ready to talk about something, you should not feel like your therapist is pushing you too hard to discuss it.
The therapeutic relationship takes time and requires some trust. If a therapist doesn’t have patience for the trust to build and pushes you further than you wish to go, it may be a sign of poor boundaries. Although you can step outside of your comfort zone in therapy, it should be done when you are ready.
14. Defensiveness
You may feel the need to offer some feedback to your therapist or ask a question. Part of being a therapist is dealing with criticism and feedback, and the therapist will generally listen open-heartedly and fully. If this is not the case, it is often not a good sign.
If your therapist gets defensive with any feedback or questions, it often harms the therapeutic relationship. A bad therapist may get defensive, repsond with criticism of you, or brush you off. Your feelings and experience matter, and your therapist should make sure you feel this.
15. Ridiculing Other Therapists or Modalities
Finally, there are a ton of therapists out there! And a lot of different therapeutic techniques too. Different types of therapy and different therapists work for individual people. It’s okay if a form of therapy didn’t work well for you, or you had a difficult relationship with a previous therapist.
Your current therapist should be understanding and seek to support. If they are ridiculing other therapists and techniques, it is often from their own insecurity, anger, or fear. It is not for the client, nor does it benefit them. Should you seek a new therapist or modality in the future, you will have that therapist’s words in your head.
Switching Therapists
If you do feel like your counselor or therapist is a bad fit for you, I encourage you to handle it with patience rather than reactivity. Pause and reflect on what you’re experiencing. You may want to discuss it with a trusted friend or loved one, or even another therapist before ending the relationship. If you’re sure about the decision to leave that therapist and you aren’t in any danger, it can be beneficial to do a termination session.
Termination sounds a bit scary, but it is part of the therapeutic relationship. Leave the relationship with closure, clarity, and recognition of the change. It is not an easy thing to do for many people, but it will benefit you as you move forward with your therapeutic journey.
